Right in front of me..

I feel almost helpless.. Maybe I am completely crazy, but I feel like there's some huge truth right in front of my face that I just can't see. I can feel it's there- all my other senses are picking up on it.. It's driving me insane.

There are so many things happening right now that keep leading me right back to one point. For example, I've been studying and reading about conscious awareness, and from that, it comes at me from all directions. Friends recommending books that have lead deeper into conscious awareness.. TV shows referencing points that have been made in the book my friend gave me.. Music i've been listening to my whole life suddenly appearing to have a deeper meaning than that which I understood- a meaning that is exactly the concepts of awareness i've been searching for. It's like something guides me to all these key points, or brings the knowledge I'm seeking right to me, and some of it has been there all along. I can't really explain what this is, because like I said, i know I'm looking for something, and my soul feels so desperate to find it- yet i have no idea what it is! How do you find something when you don't know what that something is?

Also, I do feel like I'm going crazy, because I think these things, and believe in these things, and want to understand them completely. I want to know why I am here and what my purpose is.. What is my soul guiding me to? Even when I was little with no understanding of the soul I knew there was something I knew, but didn't know I knew yet.. .. I guess that sounds really stupid. It's like knowing seeing someone you know, but you can't remember their name to save your life. You know it's right there, and you'll catch it for a second, but it slips right back away.

It feels like I have this key right in my hand that will unlock a door where behind it holds the secrets, and leads to complete understanding- and i can't find the damn door!!!

I feel like since most other people don't think of these things- about what life means, or why they're here- that I'm alone. I do not mean to sound self centered, because I'm the most humble person you've ever met- but I feel way more evolved than most anyone I talk to. Almost like my friend puts it- It's like being a senior in high school trying to have and carry on a conversation with a preschooler. I am not saying I am smarter, but I feel like I have to remind myself to fit in, and talk about the things other people worry about like "Does my hair look okay?... Why doesn't he like me?... I wonder who won the game tonight.." Almost like I "dumb" down my thoughts to a level that can interact and relate to those around me. Thats the only way to put it, and like I said, I in no way feel superior to anyone else- just more aware than most.

Does anyone out there feel like this? I need to have someone to talk to so I know i'm not completely insane...